seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
