I'm going to jail i love you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
