Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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