he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
