my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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