Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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