If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
