I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
