Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
