So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
