Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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