What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
