I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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