I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
