Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
