Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
