i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can I color on your dick again?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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