i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
