I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
