i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
