once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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