Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
