oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
