On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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