Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
