did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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