my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
