I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
