Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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