You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
