You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize