I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im six kinds of drunk right now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
