I bet he comes in French.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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