i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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