If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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