need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
