I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she told me i tasted like america
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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