Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
