Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
