My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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