just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
