Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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