so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
