Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sober January is a disaster.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
