This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love having hate sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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