I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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