Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
