So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
