That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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