did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
