So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
