ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
