I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dicks are not precious.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
