I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
