I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
