he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
