All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
