I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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