i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
