yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
