Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
