Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
