her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
