i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
