He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
how drunk are you?
Several
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
