How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
