i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
