So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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