I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
