Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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