If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I skipped work to stalk him.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
