he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
