so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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