Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
