just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
