hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
